Neil Merton

Festive Greetings

Soon it’s going to be time for eating too much food, opening presents and spending time with the family (there’s a good chance this will include a game of Poker).

So, to all who visit may I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

I’ll be back in the New Year with exciting news.

Just how powerful is the new PlayStation 3?

Well, according to Steve - very! Read the following from his eBay page selling a PlayStation 3:

You are bidding on a Playstation 3 60 GB system. It comes with Talladega Nights staring John C. Reily. It’ll ship as soon as the auction ends and WILL be there in time for Christmas.

For the parents who may be bidding on this system, you might be wondering why your child wants this so much. “Why spend so much? It’s just a simple video game system, right?” Wrong. Here’s just a few facts about the power of the Playstation 3:

1. Imagine gluing a Playstation 1 to a Playstation 2. Now double that amount of power. Now subtract the power of a Super Nintendo and you have a rough estimate of how powerful this thing is.

2. Playstation 3 is heavier than both an Xbox 360 and a Ninendo Wii. That is because it has more computer chips inside, which of course means it’s more powerful.

3. Due do polymicroprocessors, Playstation 3 is the first system powerful enough to deliver 4-D graphics.

4. Sony successfully lobbied for an amendment to the constitution that allowed this much power, which the founding fathers feared would strengthen witches’ magic.

5. Playstation 3 is so powerful that Sony officially announced it is more powerful than what Playstation 4 will be.

6. NASA replaced Kenedy Space Center with two Playstation 3s. It’s not that a single Playstation 3 couldn’t handle the job, it’s just that they also wanted to watch Talladega Nights while working.

7. Playstation 3 has the processing power to make it appear as if animals or babies were talking. Until now, this awesome technology has only been available to movies, tv commercials and the super rich.

8. AWESOME GRAPHICS!

9. Beating a hooker in Grand Theft Auto on a Playstation 3 looks more realistic than beating a hooker in real life.

10. This is the first piece of equipment that Tim Allen officially declared “enough power.”

OPTIONAL EXTRAS

1. For an extra $50, I will personally kiss your Playstation 3 for good luck right before shipping it to ensure an extra safe trip.
2. For an extra $200, I will play your Playstation 3 before shipping it to make sure it works.
3. At no additional cost, I will kick your Playstation 3.

Thank you for looking at my listing. I know you have what it takes to win this amazing machine. And remember, money is no object when it comes to bidding on eBay. Are you going to let some little bitch on the other side of the country outbid you and ruin your child’s Christmas? That doesn’t sound like the winner I know. You drive a Mercedes for Christ’s sake! You don’t have to take this sh*t! The winner I know would stop at nothing to win this auction so come Christmas morning, he could watch the excitement and suprise in his child’s eyes before hearing “I already HAVE a Playstation 3. I wanted a dirt bike! I HATE YOU!” It’s been a great doing business with you.

Love,
Steve

I hope that put a smile on your face.

Making Me Smile

Last night I ordered a CD from a website in the States and this morning I received the following confirmation email:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved ‘Bon Voyage!’ to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Tuesday, December 19th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as ‘Customer of the Year’. We’re all exhausted but can’t wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Will I be using CDBaby.com again? Hell yes!

Widgets Category and Children Display

After updating my Web2.0 theme to include ‘Widgets’ support I noticed that by default the widgets ‘Category’ display doesn’t display children categories properly. There’s an easy fix for this. For version 1.0.20060711 locate line 919 and change the wp_list_cats to the following:

<?php wp_list_cats("sort_column=name"); ?>

That will then display children categories underneath the parent category.